The Texas Chainsaw Massacre from Netflix. A modernisation/soft reboot of the original films. A horror film that could have done with more time to bake and some stronger writing.

 

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022) from Netflix, a review.

    I had heard through the grapevine that this film was pretty poor. And being a sucker for pain decided that it couldn't be that bad, considering that it is hard to make a slasher in this vein. I was to be surprised, and not in a good way. I have watched countless horror films over the years, it is one of my favourite genres, and there have been some terrible films in that number. There have been many great films in that collection, and some have been soft reboots of existing franchises. This is not counted among that number. I have no idea who came up with the idea to make this akin to the new Halloween films, but they missed the mark with the execution. This film is terrible on several levels, it could have been better if the writing had been better, and maybe they had seen other horror films where such premises have worked.

    The film opens up with a retelling of the original. The story reflects real-life events in this world, binding this story as a continuation of those earlier events. Within the store, we see memorabilia of the killings within the first film, a picture of those killed by leather-face, and many newspaper cuttings. Of course, the main protagonist asks if this is real, if the killer was ever found, and what happened to the one that got away from the killer. We discover that she became a Texas Ranger and spent her entire life trying to hunt him down, but as she never saw his face, it was an impossible task. We are introduced to the rest of the group as they leave the store. Melody and her sister Lila are travelling with Dante and Ruth. They are travelling to the town of Harlow that they now own. They are here to gentrify the area and bring new life to Harlow. This is meant to show the characters as good people with grand ideas. Unfortunately, they are not written that way. Melody comes across as judgemental and opinionated, with little insight into other people. Lila isn't too bad, but she is played as the cliche teenager with damage from a harrowing event. Dante is the guy looking to create something new and innovative but is short-tempered and selfish. And poor Ruth doesn't have much time to flesh out her character. Upon reaching the town, we quickly move to the inciting incident. An incident that could have been completely avoided if these people weren't complete morons. The start of the incident begins with Dante spotting a flag, a Confederate flag. It looks ancient, tattered, and dirty, probably hung there for fifty years. Dante is angered by the sight of it, viewing it as a threat to the likelihood of a sale from the incoming investors. Of course, they rush into the house, Dante seeking to pull the flag down while Melody wanders the house aimlessly. The house is not empty. Melody bumps into the woman that lives there, old, frail, and confused about why people are in her home. Things quickly go wrong, the local sheriff turns up, and the old woman becomes sick. Her son comes to help her, and she is taken away in an ambulance, son in tow. Ruth volunteers to go with her, and Dante concentrates on the arriving investors. Inevitably, she dies before she can receive help, and the son turns violent. We, as viewers, know that he is Leatherface, and we are aware of what is about to happen. 

    Now the killings begin, and we have a sixty-year-old man breaking bones like he's the Rock. He breaks the deputy's arm like it is a stick. Then stabs him in the neck with the protruding bone. The driver gets shot in the neck, and they crash, predictably. Things only get worse from there for those in his path. The killings are boring and depend on the characters being stupid. They also seem to be cursed to be unable to pull a damn trigger when it counts. I counted half a dozen times this film could have ended sooner if people acted like people and not walking cliches. The subplot with the last survivor of the first film doesn't go anywhere, is a waste of time, and could have been left out and made no difference to the story. The film is hurt more by the fact none of these characters is likeable. I didn't root for them when the chips were down. In fact, I rooted for more than one to get killed. Leatherface was a more sympathetic character at times, minus the mass murder, of course. Lila has some redeeming features but hardly any real screen time, and we never flesh her out enough to be believable. The ending is predictable and rather dumb, in my opinion.

    Overall, I would give this film a 3 out of 10. Avoid it if you can, but if you're curious, be aware that it will do little to entertain. There are better options out there, watching paint dry might just be one. Let me know if you have any recommendations for what to watch next. Until next time, folks.

Unfriended. A horror film set for the modern age, a look through the lens of social media and featuring a cast of unlikeable teenagers.

 

Unfriended, a review. 

    I have to say that, whilst not the worst film I've seen, it does leave a lot to be desired. I was hoping not to be so negative in this review, but looking back, I have to wonder how I got through this film. We open up with the screen flickering and changing as the view becomes as though the viewer is looking at a computer screen. It stays that way for the majority of the film, and that is supposed to, I'd imagine, help immerse us in the tale unfolding. Artistically, that choice might have worked for some, me not so much. The idea behind the film is a simple one, Six friends on a video call get caught up in something supernatural as a friend from the grave begins to play a game with them. This is the sort of thing that has been done before, but we watch it all from Blair's point of view, through her computer. It starts very small, but things grow worse as the film progresses, and the mystery of why this is happening is revealed over time. All that plays out surrounds the death of a friend, and we see this in the opening seconds, as a video clip plays on screen. This friend, Laura, killed herself after a video had been posted on social media, trolled by countless people until she could take no more. This single event feeds directly into what happens to these six.

    And what to say about the six friends? I didn't like any of them, and maybe that was supposed to be the point. They're a whiny, self-absorbed, bitchy, backstabbing group who profess to care about one another but act in a manner that suggests otherwise. Being from a nation far from the strange land of America, it is hard to know if these six act in a way that is typical for the youth over there, but I wanted to slap them each on several occasions. As the film plays out, we discover more about each of them. Unfortunately, none of them look any better, reinforcing my initial view of them. As far as setups go, it is rare that I have not found one person to root for. The film did a good job of proving how petty and selfish some people can be. 

    Now, as the film plays, out we discover more behind Laura's suicide and the parts that each of them played in it. As this unwanted caller keeps them part of the call with threats and worse, we begin to wonder if this is just a hacker or something else. I won't be spoiling anything by saying that this is supposed to be a supernatural event, that this is Laura calling from beyond the grave. Death and terror follow for our friends, the caller pushing them to reveal things about themselves. Failure to do so will lead to their deaths, something that played out earlier in the film. As a viewer, I saw where the film was headed long before it got there, the infighting and dirty secrets were not a surprise, and the deaths were a little uninspired. It was a surprise that I rooted for the spirit to get its revenge on this group, rarely that is the case. As we spiral towards the climax, we get more desperation from them and another death, that in my opinion, is a little unbelievable after everything they have experienced.

    I have seen many horror films, and none are quite so lackluster. Usually, they are either so bad they're good, just plain bad, or a decent watch. This one is just so boring, unlikeable, and pretty obvious as to where it is headed. 

    I would give this a 2 out of 5. It's worth a watch if nothing else is on but don't expect anything too thrilling. Let me know what you thought of it if you've seen it yourself.